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Is there really such a thing as a great relationship if one person uses drugs occasionally?

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I've a string of "failed relationships". I've been in my current relationship for nearly a year and have discovered he is into drugs (again). He was into them years ago and went through rehab and was doing very well. Everything else about the relationship is great. I'm not sure what to do. Is the relationship still great if he's using now and again? He is not now, nor has he ever been abusive and he's not taking money away from the family by doing this. We each have our own spending money and this is how he chose to spend his own spending money. I'm tired of starting over but I don't want to settle for less than a healthy relationship. He has been honest with me about his drug use to the best of my knowledge.
asked Nov 24, 2015 in Relationships by anonymous
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2 Answers

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Dealing with a drug addiction in a relationship takes a lot of commitment from the party that isn't into drugs. You'll have to guard your finances, heart, health and attitude. Only you can determine if the relationship is worth keeping.

 

Focus on yourself (after all, the addict is focusing on himself, not you) and ensure that you're always safe, and that you have some funds should an emergency arise. Take care of yourself and focus on your needs and those of any children that may be involved as well.

 

You can encourage the addict to seek help without being judgmental. You can agree to go with them to counseling appointments if it would make it easier for them. It's all up to you and how much you're wiling to invest in the relationship.

 

It may help you to attend some al-anon meetings as well. Here you'll be with others who may be dealing with the same issues. You don't have to share details of your specific story unless you feel comfortable doing so.

 

Remember that this is the addicts choice, not yours. You're not responsible for their choice. You are responsible to yourself and your choices. You can choose to remain and live with the situation if everything else in the relationship is good and working well, or you can remove yourself from the situation and move on with your life. It's your choice.

 

For more information you can go to the resources below and read further.

 

Resources:

 

http://www.narconon.org/blog/drug-addiction/how-drug-abuse-affects-relationships/

 

http://www.aamft.org/imis15/AAMFT/Content/Consumer_Updates/Substance_Abuse_and_Intimate_Relationships.aspx

 

http://www.dualdiagnosis.org/drug-addiction/relationships-and-addiction/

answered Nov 24, 2015 by Countrymom (8,550 points)
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I think that if the drugs are not presenting much of a problem, then it should be up to the person how they spend their time. However, illegal drugs can make being around a person difficult because if they are caught by authorities with them, it could end up being your problem too. That's why you need to have boundaries if you're going to keep the relationship afloat about when and where they can use.

 

There are a lot of great treatment programs all around the US and other countries[1]. You may want to look into some kind of rehab and bring it up with him. Just remember that if someone is an addict, you can't force them to stop. You're not going to get anywhere if they don't wish to quit. That's probably something you're familiar with because it seems his last stint in rehab didn't really help.

 

Addiction is a beast that is hard to handle. Even though there aren't problems now, they could manifest in the way of financial or relationship problems later on. You may want to at least look into couples therapy where you can figure out as a team how to deal with this issue. There are quite a few relationship resources in the way of therapy[2].

 

painkiller abuse infographic

 

References -

1 - http://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/principles-drug-addiction-treatment-research-based-guide-third-edition/drug-addiction-treatment-in-united-states/types-treatment-programs

 

2 - http://www.goodtherapy.org/marriage-counseling.html

answered Nov 24, 2015 by zuulspaceman (37,960 points)

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